so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize