after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's shark week go big or go home
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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