You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
