He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
