I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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