i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
