And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
