My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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