By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
