i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
