Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
