new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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