I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
