Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
