Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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