Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
