where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
