just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
vagina is talking i cant
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
