Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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