If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
