I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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