K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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