i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize