Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
