it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize