She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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