I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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