doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
