My liver just broke up with me...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize