I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
