You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
