if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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