it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
