it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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