Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
