ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
