and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
