Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize