A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
