Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
