Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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