"it" just moved
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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