I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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