Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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