i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
