Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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