I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
