I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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