Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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