Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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