White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize