I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
