Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
