the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
