...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
