We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize