I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
