I wish I only lived at night.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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