girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
