Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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