and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
