the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
