yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
