I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I deserve this hangover.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
