I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
