I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
