roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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