So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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