So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
