i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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