Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
