Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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