So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize