If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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