There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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