his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
