Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
