I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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