just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
