shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
