so explain again why im purple
no
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
