I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
