My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
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