remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
