May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
