Sorry, I don't speak sober.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
