Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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