its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
