you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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