i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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