I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
