My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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